August 31, 2015

How To Communicate Effectively and Become Super Likable as a Blogger

dale-carnegieYou see those big hitters engaging with others effortlessly all the time.

They really do seem very likable, don’t they? You envy them.

Admit it. You wish to enjoy the level of engagement and success they do.

So what is it about them that makes them stand out between ALL of those people online?

There’s no revolutionary software or a secret sauce they use, but take this FAQ on how to become a masterful communicator seriously, and people will naturally start to gravitate towards you.

I’ll walk you through the whole process.


Be Yourself

men-311308_640Let’s face it..Nobody will love you unless you are yourself.

Well, ya know..They might get to love your alter ego.

But that’s not you, so you’ll feel totally miserable about it.

So the best recommendation i can give you is to simply be yourself. And no, not everyone will like you. You will come across a hater one day. However, you’ll actually find that a lot of people will love you for the person you are.

And that’s a great feeling. So liberate yourself from having to be perfect, and show the real you.

Keep It Real

Are you a yes person? Meaning, you like to always agree with someone – even if you don’t? Needless to say, making war with anyone is not someone a masterful communicator would do.

But you have to be able to give your own opinion. Always be respectful, but if you want to create meaningful relationships, you’ll have to be able to step away from the small talk. And if you do disagree, try to also mention something you dó agree on.

I also like to say “but I could be totally off with this” or “but then again, I could be wrong”. This puts down their guard (as well as yours).

Others will see that you have your own opinion and the ability to communicate it, and this opens the door to interesting dialogues. They also see that you are not offensive about it, so each person can share their own point of view.

Be Interested

Don’t you hate it when someone talks only about themselves?

Yeah. Don’t do that.

Be utterly interested in the other person because you’ll find that this is the only way to connect. Engage. Ask them interesting questions.  Good things happen when you have a natural curiosity towards other people in your niche.

Social Media is not just scheduling some posts on Buffer. And it’s also not “Hey, thanks for following. please check out my website / like my Facebook page”.

Make Twitter lists to engage with influencers and interesting people.

Try something like “Hey, thank you for connecting! Love your website design 🙂 Have a great day!”. (or find something else specific you can mention, to let them know you gave them some special attention)

Yes, i just implied that you should check out their website. I do this. If the site is interesting and in my niche, i often leave a comment on one of their blog posts.

If you’ll do this, now you have taken it off Twitter. And all you have shown is interest. There is a big chance that your first impression will now be “wow, what a great person!”.  And if you can take the conversation to e-mail, thats even better.

Remember: the extra mile is never crowded. Be the most interesting person ever, by being the most interested person ever.

Don’t Criticize

shame-799099_640Have you ever read the book How To Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie?

It is a fantastic book about communicating with others, and one of the first lessons you’ll learn is that when you criticize others, this doesn’t have the right effect on people.

How do you like getting criticized? I sure don’t. Feedback is great. But leave the criticism at home.

Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain – and most fools do – Dale Carnegie

In a book I read from Kevin Hogan called can’t get through: eight barriers to communication this piece really resonated with me. Have you ever felt like this?

Research studies have shown that criticism is quickest way to both diminish a person’s self image and poison a relationship. No one enjoys being around a critical person. 

Whether those words come from our spouses or significant other, employer, friends or even total strangers, we tend shut down inside, shutting out the words that hurt us and we stop listening.

Be Positive

Think about someone in your environment who is always negative. How do they make you feel? Like being around them? Does it affect your internal state?

Now think about someone you know that is always positive, and ask yourself the same questions. I bet you just got a warm feeling just by thinking about this person. Their consistent positivity pulls you up, and you love to be around them – it energizes you.

Why not try to be more like this person? Become someone who pulls others up. A couple each and every day. You’ll feel better about yourself and so will they.

Even if you’re having a bad day, just force it. You can always try to be positive. As a matter of fact, if you’re having a bad day – you need to try even more because thoughts turn into feelings.

Use Names Online

Admit it, you love to hear your own name. You’ll never get sick of it. The same goes for every person you interact with. Online you almost never have to worry about forgetting or finding out someone’s name, so use it to your advantage.

Don’t use their name in every single sentence, because thats just annoying. But use someone’s name when appropriate and they’ll automatically start liking you more. Remember: friends use names.

Show Your Appreciation

thank-you-515514_640This one is HUGE. Please, do not skim over this one.

Lack of appreciation is the very reason why many very competent people leave jobs each and every day. It’s the reason why marriages strand, and why people show all sorts of compensating behavior to make up for this gap.

Trust me, something as simple as appreciation is miraculous. Do not take people for granted. Because it could give them the power to move forward, and the motivation to succeed or strive to become better. Don’t you want to be a part of that?

If you feel appreciation towards someone, you’ll know. But don’t just assume they know, too!

Tell them, show them.

Don’t Wrestle With Pigs

internet-argumentsTry not to argue on the internet. It will be a mistake. And remember: pigs love to get all dirty. Their desire is to suck you into their state of reality, where arguing is a part of life.

They win, you lose.

You don’t have to engage with them. And i recommend you don’t. Need more help on this subject? Click here to read Brent’s awesome post about it.

Benefit Others

Your motives will shine through in e-ve-ry-thing you do. Trust me. You can’t hide it.

Your language patterns will inevitably reveal what you’re really up to. You’ll start to say horrible things like “I want….”. These kind of words are a huge turn off for me. How about you? It’s not about what you want, it’s about what you can do or mean for the other person.

So there’s a lesson here. If you want something, you always..and i mean, always frame it in a way that will show them how it will benefit them.

Don’t Be a Know-It-All

If you want to make people feel good about themselves, you have to make them feel like they are contributing to the conversation. You have to allow yourself to learn something new from the other person.

Remember: Where one person seems to know everything, the other person is not necessary…or at least that’s how they feel – Kevin Hogan

You can learn something new from every person you meet. You just have to pay attention.

Every man I meet is in some way my superior; and in that I can learn of him – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Promote The Blogs You Want To Connect With

I always try to be considerate enough to share someones post if I enjoyed reading it. I don’t do this just so they’ll like me more, but it does help! Is this a sneaky way to gain influence? Of course not.

If someone shares my post, I feel very happy. Of course I like that person for sharing my post. It’s a small act of kindness and if I am mentioned, I always thank them.

It also helps to connect with someone often, because the more you connect with them, the more important you become to them. I don’t mean becoming needy of course….

I mean:

  • comment on their blogs
  • share their blog posts generously
  • interact to their social media posts
  • link to their blogs in your articles
  • respond to their e-mail newsletters


See? Becoming likable is not about short circuiting peoples brains. If you want to create beneficial relationships online that will make you money, it’s about setting the right example. It’s about treating the people the way you’d like to be treated.

These strategies may seem very straightforward, but if you’re going to follow through with this it means becoming a better and bigger person in the process. Putting it to the test may not be as easy as it seems, but it starts with being conscious about the way you communicate. From there you can improve.

So are you using these things to communicate with others? On which ones could you improve? Any things you do that I did not mention here? Share in the comments below! 

Jasper Oldersom

Hey, I am Jasper and I am an authentic freelance (copy)writer and marketer. If you need time to focus on other parts of your business, while I write a quality article for your website - I'm your guy.

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Brent Jones - August 31, 2015 Reply

What a great post, Jasper! Just shared on Twitter. I just skimmed for now – I’ll come back later to read in more detail.

I appreciate you linking back to my blog.


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Mark - August 31, 2015 Reply

Excellent post Jasper!

I can remember years ago, a friend highly recommend I read Dale Carnegie’s classic
book. And I’m so glad I did!

Because it really helped open my eyes to some really effective communication strategies and techniques!As has your extremely well written post!

And all round, just helped me understand how to be a better person in general.
You’ve shared so many excellent, common sense sort of approaches to much more effective communication.

So I’m definitely going to be sharing this one! Thanks!

Because this is definitely one of those evergreen subjects!
Mark recently posted…Why Sometimes Real Opportunity Is Pleasantly Disguised As Just Plain Old Crazy!My Profile

    Dan Ewah - September 1, 2015 Reply

    Hi Mark,

    The name of that book is “How to Win Friends and Influence People” by Dale Carnegie, it’s a classic. Every Blogger interested in building a community should read that book.

    Good to see you here Mark and thanks again for stopping over at my blog; very well appreciated bro

      Jasper Oldersom - September 1, 2015 Reply

      Yes it is called that way 🙂 Thanks for pointing that out Dan!

      I had it on my “must read” for way too long and I have read many weak books before I finally decided to open it. I felt stupid for not reading it earlier in my life!

      Henry David Thoreau was right when he said “read the best books first, or you may not have a chance to read them at all.”

      – Jasper
      Jasper Oldersom recently posted…This Simple but Untapped Strategy can Make You a Popular BloggerMy Profile

    Jasper Oldersom - September 1, 2015 Reply

    Hey Mark,

    Thank you so much for the comment!

    I think it’s a fantastic book. For anyone who wants to take this a couple of steps further, it’s a must read. You need to take the best things from the offline world and put them into practice online right? 🙂

    I’m glad you enjoyed this post Mark, it’s absolutely an evergreen topic and this is definitely not the “ultimate guide”. There’s way more to say about this and I most likely will through the years.

    Always good to see you here on the blog and I hope you are having a fantastic week so far!

    – Jasper
    Jasper Oldersom recently posted…This Simple but Untapped Strategy can Make You a Popular BloggerMy Profile

Dan Ewah - September 1, 2015 Reply

Hi Jasper,

Great post you’ve got here.

No doubt, cultivating and nurturing a relationship is not easy but can be learnt if we put our mind to it.

After all, nothing easy is really worth it; If it was easy everybody would be doing it and then it wouldn’t be special.

The secret of successful blogging in my opinion is building an engaging community and your points here couldn’t be better said.

It’s my first time on your blog and I think you are doing well.

Keep it up bro.

Dan Ewah recently posted…Legit Ways to Make Money Online: 11 Powerful Case StudiesMy Profile

    Jasper Oldersom - September 1, 2015 Reply

    Hi Dan,

    I truly appreciate you for visiting my blog and leaving a comment 🙂

    You’re right. If you are genuine that helps a lot because people can tell a sleazy person from miles away even on the internet. You might be able to trick them into buying something, but building a relationship requires taking genuine interest in the other person.

    I don’t feel bad about connecting with others because I don’t try to “get” anything from them. The value is in the relationship so I focus on that first.

    For a long time I had no idea how to even go about building a community – sounded so other worldly to me that I could not grasp it. Now I see what it’s all about I love it Dan and I have to agree it might just be the secret key.

    Thanks a lot for the encouraging words, see you soon on your blog!

    – Jasper
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Adrienne - September 1, 2015 Reply

Hey Jasper,

What great advice my friend… Loved what you shared here and great tips too.

I think what most people just have to keep in mind is that people like to talk about themselves. It’s kind of sad but it’s true. That’s where asking them questions comes into play because it gives you a chance to get to know them better and once they’ve exhausted all of that then they usually will reciprocate and want to know more about you too.

I agree with always staying positive because who doesn’t want to hang around someone who lifts them up! It’s always such a great feeling when you know that a certain friend is always going to be enjoyable to be around because of their positive attitude and them always making you feel good about yourself. We both know it’s a two way street and have had our share of friendships that haven’t worked out but you just weed out the ones you really don’t want to have a relationship with and keep the ones you do.

I love Dale Carnegie and I would hope that everyone has read his book. We can always pick up on more things we could be doing better to increase the reason people want to get to know us more.

Being online is about connecting with people. The more you know how to accomplish that the better off you’ll be. All your advice is extremely helpful so I’ll be sure to pass this post around as well.

Keep up the excellent work Jasper and I’m eager to be speaking with you shortly.


P.S. Before I forget, you don’t have your Twitter ID set up in your Twitter button so you might want to look at that as soon as you have some time.
Adrienne recently posted…Magical Monday: Irresistible Content, Gifyt, Influencer, CTA SkinMy Profile

    Jasper Oldersom - September 2, 2015 Reply

    Hey Adrienne,

    It’s always great to have you here on the blog! Thank you so much for taking the time to leave such an in depth comment. I truly appreciate you for that (you probably do know that, but it can never be said enough).

    Oh yeah, people love to talk about themselves. I once watched a presentation from Jay Abraham where he shared a story about asking a guy nothing but questions.

    When he left, the guy stopped him as he was about to walk through the door to say “WAIT!….You are the most fascinating person I have EVER talked to” 😉 He didn’t say a thing. Just listened.

    Oh yeah Adrienne, you are ab-so-lu-te-ly one of those positive people in my life that lift me up. I have so much respect and gratitude for that. You really empower people.

    We both know it’s a two way street and have had our share of friendships that haven’t worked out but you just weed out the ones you really don’t want to have a relationship with and keep the ones you do.

    Dale Carnegie’s book is so good and I wish I had picked it up earlier in life. It’s a book to keep reading, too. Like we just discussed yesterday…common sense is not common. It’s all too easy to get involved in an argument or other things that do not include effective communication.

    Thank you so much for the tip on my Twitter handle, I believe I have tackled that issue now!

    I saw you already shared my post on Twitter, Google+ and even Facebook! Gosh, I can never pay you back Adrienne. Donna Merrill already mentioned it today “Adrienne knows how to listen and she has the biggest heart I know.”

    Our talk yesterday was fun and very helpful to me. I truly look forward to our first ‘real’ session tomorrow 🙂 You are a great mentor Adrienne, I feel I did the right thing.

    – Jasper
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Sherman Smith - September 1, 2015 Reply

Hey Jasper,

It’s amazing how powerful it is just to do these simple acts. I’ve read “How To Win Friends And Influence People” and I put some of the tips to practice. I tell you just making a couple of them a habit can make a big positive difference. Especially if you’re a blogger.

It’s funny how these tips can be applied to life period. I always say that this is a great way to build your internal magnet. When you’re doing this, you start to attract more great, genuine people to you just because of the energy you put out.

So definitely no one should overlook these tips. Learn them, meditate on them, and put them to practice. Thanks for the share Jasper! I hope you’re enjoying your week!
Sherman Smith recently posted…Is Your Online Marketing Plan Building Strong Reciprocity?My Profile

    Jasper Oldersom - September 2, 2015 Reply

    Hey Sherman,

    Oh yeah, the power is hidden within this simplicity my friend. That said, easier said than done. It’s all too easy to get tangled up into an argument for example LOL. Mastering the art of communication is a lifelong study.

    I like Dale Carnegie’s book a lot. The stories within the book are very moving and the lessons are rock solid. They have stood the test of time.

    Your internal magnet. I love it Sherman!! What a great way to put it. Couldn’t agree more. When I started blog commenting I saw the positivity within the community and it’s so nice to be a part of it now.

    I had a Skype conversation with Adrienne last night and we spoke briefly about you. She told me that you’ve grown so much and I think our character has a lot of overlap Sherman.

    So thank you so much for stopping by and always looking forward to the next opportunity to connect more with you!

    – Jasper
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Don Purdum - September 2, 2015 Reply

Hi Jasper,

There were two things you said here that was impressed upon me the most:

1. Make it about others. Communication is not a self absorbed thing but the more we make it about us the less likely they are to make it about us.

No one like to hang out with a no-know-it-all or with someone who has other interest than themselves.

2. Engage, engage and engage some more… that’s part of networking and making it about others.

The truth is just writing a blog post or article and sharing it to social media is absolutely worthless.

Recently I shared with a person over Skype that they were being selfish. That initially wasn’t received well but that is what they were being. When we don’t engage, interact, share and benefit others we are only thinking of ourselves.

Selfishness leads us down a very lonely and broke road. Ultimately, we all need one another.

Great post Jasper. I appreciate your insights.

I hope you have an incredible second half to your week.

~ Don Purdum
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    Jasper Oldersom - September 2, 2015 Reply

    Hi Don,

    Well, i’m really glad those 2 things stood out for you because as you know like no other, they make a lot of difference! If someone would take just those 2 and focus on that alone, they have so much more potential to succeed than the majority of people online.

    To put it in Gary’s terms..When I go on social media 80% of companies/people are only putting out right hooks, not jabbing.

    Tweet from today “Thx4 following us. Please read & RT our featured blog of the day by [person]” They ask me to take time to read ánd share even though we haven’t even taken the time to get to know each other. That’s normal on Social Media and I just ignore it but to me it’s wrong on so many levels.

    I’m sure that this person initially had resistance with the idea that their actions we’re showing signs of selfish behavior because nobody likes to think of themselves as a bad person. But it’s true.

    We don’t want to become selfish, or self centered because that’s no way to live your life and like you say, ultimately we all need each other.

    Beautifully said Don.

    I want to thank you for taking your time to read this one and leaving a comment. It is always a pleasure to connect with you.

    You have an excellent second half as well! 😉

    – Jasper
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Donna Merrill - September 2, 2015 Reply

Hi Jasper,

Each and every point you made here is spot on! We can only be ourselves, if not people have a funny way of knowing it. Staying positive, especially on social media is a must! There is a lot of whining there, but just skip over it lol. Sharing is caring and when you are on the social media platforms, don’t just press like, but comment and even share something with your friends if you think it is valuable.

When it comes to blogging, acknowledge the blogger for the work he/she put into it. And share it on the social media platform with a good introduction. Reading Dale Carnegie’s book is a must when it comes to this!

We are here to help others, and with that mindset our communication will be effective everywhere we go. It is our job as a blogger to do so.

Thanks so much for this post because you have educated many people that do go about things all wrong. I’ll share this because I still see some shenanigans going on lol.

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    Jasper Oldersom - September 2, 2015 Reply

    Hi Donna,

    Why thank you so much! We can only be ourselves, you’re so right about that.

    For example, I was listening to a podcast from Pat Flynn the other day and it is so much fun to just listen to him. He can make a really funny comment, but he has a pretty serious personality so he won’t laugh himself, which just makes me laugh even more because I can be quite silly.

    He’s really being himself. Love that. Even shared the tip to wear comfortable socks instead of shoes when podcasting and then the color of the socks he was wearing (all totally serious). Now I am sitting here laughing recalling it. Awesome guy.

    I definitely agree that sharing = caring 🙂 You know I had to share your post. It’s funny that it came at the time I decided to get a coach myself. I agree that Adrienne has a huge heart like you replied on my comment on your last post. It’s true. We’ve been chatting a lot through email even before working together and you know we all love to work with people we know, like and trust.

    “We are here to help others” – I like that small little sentence and I should just frame that up and put it up on the wall 😉

    Thank you for reading, commenting and sharing my post Donna. It’s really nice that you acknowledge the work that others put in their work and it does shine through in your comments. Make no mistake about it.

    Enjoy the rest of your week Donna, always great to connect with you!

    – Jasper
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Gill Watkins - September 2, 2015 Reply

Hi Jasper, what a great post, so full of information that everyone needs to take notice of, both new and more established marketers.

To be yourself, to be genuinely interested in your visitors and their needs, to always be positive, to interact with others and always be humble are traits we all really need.

Your visitors need to know you, like you and trust you. If everyone follows your recommendations we will all be winners, customers and business owners alike.

Thank you for sharing.

Have a great week,
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    Jasper Oldersom - September 4, 2015 Reply

    Hi Gill,

    Thank you so much for stopping by and leaving such an awesome comment 🙂

    I agree, we all need them – because we need each other. And finding ways to communicate better is essential to create strong relationships. Your on point with the know, like and trust part.

    Thanks again for your encouraging words Gill and I do hope you are having an awesome week so far!

    – Jasper
    Jasper Oldersom recently posted…This Simple but Untapped Strategy can Make You a Popular BloggerMy Profile

sunday - September 3, 2015 Reply

Hey Jasper,
True “Becoming likable is not about short circuiting peoples brains” I couldn’t agree with you more on this point! The law of reciprocity plays as huge role in helping bloggers to become likable.

Communication is an art which must be learned and practiced. Effective communication that will lead to likability depends on self confidence, helpful insights, and ability to understand the listeners point of view.

You have a shared a good post and I am bookmarking for future reference 😉

I left the above comment in as well

    Jasper Oldersom - September 4, 2015 Reply

    Hey Sunday,

    Thanks for your comment! The law of reciprocity definitely plays a huge role Sherman you’re awesome for pointing that out and it can’t be said enough.

    It definitely is an art, and one never ends his study on effective communication. You made some excellent points Sherman thank you so much for sharing and will be helpful for anyone scanning the comment section for some gold nuggets.

    I’m glad you bookmarked this one, that’s awesome!

    – Jasper
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Kim Willis - September 8, 2015 Reply

Great post Jasper!

So many meaty nuggets here, where to start?

Ok I really love this point: ‘nobody will love you unless you are yourself’. Speak with your true voice, your authentic self, is the way to go.

‘Don’t wrestle with pigs’ – love it!. Never heard that term before but you are right – we have to avoid the temptation to get into an online fight – it’s so counterproductive and of course it makes us less likable.

Showing appreciation is also great advice, although I’m not always sure how to demonstrate it in the online world particularly. Do you have an example as to how that might work?

‘Don’t be a know it all’ is also a great tip although if someone asks for advice and you know the answer you should give it. I guess it’s more about HOW you do it, rather than the act of doing it.

Finally, promoting content from people you want to deal with is sage advice. So I shall do that right now, and share this great post!

Thanks Jasper

Kim Willis recently posted…Persuasion Psychology – Theory and PracticeMy Profile

    Jasper Oldersom - September 10, 2015 Reply

    Thanks for your compliment Kim!

    I always appreciate you for reading my post and leaving a comment. That’s how I know i’m on the right track 🙂

    Oh yeah, if you aren’t your authentic self you’ll never build a true community that loves you for who you are, totally agree!

    Online fights are the worst LOL, it’s simply impossible to win. I’ve had some people who tried to get my to respond to their bad behavior, but it’s best to simply ignore.

    Showing apprecation is really easy! I did it in the beginning of this comment. But you can also appreciate someone for a special quality they have.

    If you’d like to know more about the power of simple appreciation – I recommend you read this story about Stevie Wonder. It’s an amazing story on how a single moment of appreciation planted the seeds for his future:

    Being a know-it-all is a sure way to get people do dislike you, fast. If someone asks you for advice I absolutely agree you should give it. After all, they value your opinion.

    Thanks for sharing my post as well Kim and I hope you are having an amazing week so far!

    I’ll be checking out your blog later today, hope you have some kick ass new information waiting for me there 😉

    – Jasper

Katrin - September 13, 2015 Reply

Hey Jasper,

I agree with many points you are making here. I often feel tired and exhausted reading the kind of posts that are so very me-centered.
I very much would like to see more conscious communication even in blogposts. Of course it is just natural that everyone wants some attention and appreciation – this is very human. But maybe with all this cheap information available, we need to realize that our own contributions need to be of value. I recently read this statement: “When information is cheap, attention becomes expensive” – I instantly could relate to that. The same is true for making relationships in this virtual reality. You give valuable input here, even though personally I do not agree with everything, I value your position because I know it is a step into the right direction.

Till later,
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    Jasper Oldersom - September 16, 2015 Reply

    Hey Katrin,

    Thanks so much for stopping by and leaving a comment. It’s good to see you here again.

    When a post is very me-centered it does take a lot of energy just to read it. It’s also a mistake bloggers can make, when their audience consists of people that want to learn the basics – but they are too busy showing their expertise. I learned that from Ramsay that has a wonderful blog called BlogTyrant.

    I’ve read that quote somewhere as well, it resonates with me as well. I believe almost everything that works offline will work online. We’re dealing with humans.

    Good that you do not personally agree with everything I said. That brings me to another quote i’ve heard on a podast once: “be your own filter”. However, i’m happy you can generally find yourself in these 🙂

    Thanks again for leaving your valuable input here on the blog Katrin.

    Talk soon,
    Jasper Oldersom recently posted…This Simple but Untapped Strategy can Make You a Popular BloggerMy Profile

Emebu - September 18, 2015 Reply

Happy weekend Jasper,

I believe one very potent way to Communicate Effectively and Become Super Likable as a Blogger is by writing for your targeted audience. When you bear them in mind in writing your blog post, no doubt, you will gain their loyalty anytime.

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